1. Politely offer your regrets. Unfortunately, this step requires answering the invitation before your significant other (and his conscience) can.
2. Drink heavily beforehand. This is the tried and true, time-tested favorite.
3. Charge a new outfit on your significant other’s credit card. After all, it is his fault that you’re required to attend.
4. Plan to kill them with kindness. This option requires taking an antiemetic ahead of time to avoid vomiting.
5. If you can’t stomach #4, prepare a lineup of witty comebacks.
6. Look into the possibility of body snatchers for the evening.
7. Pump the kids full of sugar in an attempt to be too busy mothering to interact with anyone else.
8. Work on a death stare to shoot whenever they turn their backs. Secretly hope to be caught glaring – just for kicks.
9. Try to locate that damn higher road your significant other is always mentioning.
10. Spike your water bottle with hard liquor for the drive.
11. Turn off your mind and emotions at the door.
12. Bring a stopwatch to time The Attention Hog talking about herself. See if she can beat last year’s record.
13. Count the number of times The Attention Hog says “I” during the course of the evening.
14. Charge a new outfit on your significant other’s credit card the next day as a reward for good behavior.
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
You forgot the tried and true, “Set up a fake emergency phone call as a way to get out of the dreaded evening.”
Melinda´s last blog ..Closets of DOOM
I know this is going to come in handy someday. Thanks for posting it.
Jen´s last blog ..Grocery Store Personality Analaysis
Now I can for sure use a few of these:O)
Summur Braley´s last blog ..Beautiful Babies
LOL – does this mean you are bracing yourself for such an event?? I love how alcohol appears twice on the list
I will need to remember that. Great list; I too am sure I will need to use it one of these days.
Cecilia´s last blog ..A Mini-Travel Memoir of Japan
What about coming down with a terrible headache before the event and bailing? although that’s lying…but sometimes I find the stress of dealing with something I really don’t want to do brings on a real headache.
Does this also work with selfish family members? I’ll take note…
Headless Mom´s last blog ..Home Again- Home Again
Might I add:
Use the opportunity to use the person as a mirror and see what things in yourself need changing that are causing the reaction in you.
I find the people that irk me the most I have the most to learn about myself from them.
Just some food for thought.
BTW-like your new pic.
Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Even If You’re A Pacifist- Remember You Owe Your Right To Be One To Those Who Served In Your Country’s Military
Oh I think number 1, always and then a nice glass of chilled wine at home instead to finish off things perfectly
Aging Mommy´s last blog ..Hotel California Would Have Been Quieter
Yeah, we just returned from 10 days of this same kind of junk.
I hear ya…
Alexandra´s last blog ..What Is Cool About Summer Vacations by Baby E
The credit card is always a great way to get back at your spouse. I recommend it highly.
The Mother´s last blog ..It’s Not a Good Idea to Blog when You’re Mad at Your Husband
#2 and #4 are my favourites. I had a friend who had a very acrimonious relationship with her in-laws, and so she invented her very own drinking game. Whenever they would say something negative to her, she would take a drink. It worked wonders.
Nicole´s last blog ..Slightly Warmer than Average Wave-
Love “count how many times the Attention Hog says ‘I’ during the course of an evening”. That is brilliant! And really fun!
dusty earth mother´s last blog ..Who are these children and why must I cook for them
I tell my husband he HAS to take me to my favorite restaurant after a particularly disastrous social event. This plan usually gets me through a hard evening. ; )
The Amber´s last blog ..Friday Night Awesomeness
I love nos 6, 10, & 12. You have given me some inspiration
I am a fan of #2. There is something in it for everyone.
Why bother with the high road? So not worth it. Drink up and charge away! (And hang in there.)
Stacia´s last blog ..Day Trippers
This post is actually very helpful!!
This cracks me up! Makes me think of many, many expected appearances I have had to make over the last few years….places and people that drive you crazy!
I have an Attention Hog too, so I propose taking a few of your ideas and combining them. Take one slug of alcohol (that appears to be water) from water bottle for each time the Attention Hog says “I”!
Sherri´s last blog ..The Amazing Race
I employ several of these with my in-laws. My mil is insane. She thinks she’s allergic to melted/cooked cheese but eats cold cheese all the time. EVEN THOUGH IT’S THE SAME. Apparently, if you heat it she will die. (and other completely insane things.) Also, she’s never wrong.
Sorry. Didn’t mean to vent in your comments. What I meant to say is that I feel your pain.
Paige´s last blog ..a difficult lesson in sharing
What a wonderfully entertaining list. I’m lucky that my in-laws are wonderful but I still have to prepare for a visit. I love the death stare idea and the hope to get caught. The stop watch idea just might be used in my personal life as well. Love it.
Amy´s last blog ..Oh the things I learned this week
OMG seriously I need to bookmark this hahaha too awesome and will definitely comes in handy
Maureen´s last blog ..12 Unique Facts About Indonesia
Haha – this is hilarious, I love it! Thought it was just me who participated in such activities as number 13 around annoying people – brilliant!
Low Carb Not No Carb´s last blog ..Top 10 Low Carb Supermarket Essentials
I love your list, gave me a good laugh! Tho I can relate to it, as well.
I’ve found with the selfish people in my life who are not interested in our family at all- that a good tactic is to just keep asking them questions about themselves, they’ll just keep talking, and will be very happy to talk and talk about their fav subject, themselves…and so you will have a positive interaction at least. You can tune them out and just keep nodding. Then, you get to go home. Everyone’s happy.
I strictly adhere to the stiff drink and parent of the year form of avoidance. Who can really fault me for hanging out with my kids? We seriously set a time that we’ll split and that helps me so much. But, I pity the fool that married me if we’re there after the time runs out!
Lula Lola´s last blog ..Shark Week Booty
I found you at Lady Blogger, and I LOVE your blog, especially this one. I like the idea of spiking your water with alcohol, LOL. I have a wedding I have to attend in two weeks, and may have that “water bottle” clenched in my hand for the whole weekend, just to survive! Adding you to my blogroll!
Jules
http://www.alittlebiteoflife.net