Reasons it SUCKS, if you have kids, to join the pool at the country club:
1. Kids can’t be trusted to behave.
2. Mothers are required to primp before attending, wear a skimpy red or black bikini, and lounge around reading.
3. Mothers may not swim without expecting to be ostracized.
4. Kids will whine and bicker with their siblings the same amount that they do at home.
5. Mothers will be aghast at the whining and bickering, wondering how their children have gotten so spoiled.
6. Mothers will struggle to look poised while attempting to stop the bickering.
7. Mothers might find it awkward to demand the arguing cease, order the kids to exit the pool, stalk around grabbing belongings, and then turn to find the kids still in the pool.
8. Mothers may be uncomfortable while dragging the screaming five year old out of the pool while balancing on the edge.
9. Kids might refuse to leave the pool area.
10. Mothers might be mortified to haul the screaming five year old through the dressing rooms.
11. Mothers may be ashamed to lose their temper in the parking lot and hiss at the five year old to “shut up.”
12. Kids might yell as loudly as possible, “I’m not shutting up!”
13. Mothers might throw their belongings into the car at light speed after realizing that the pool and parking lot are separated by a simple fence.
14. Mothers will be sick to pay so much money to join the country club pool, only to discover they can never return.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
So glad that we just swim in our little wadding pool and I don’t have to go through that.
Jen´s last blog ..My Husband Needs to Play More Videos
SO funny! The things we do for our families. You are spot on with your list, and we opted for the neighborhood pool, because my little guy does NOT fit the mold when it comes to the pool. Hopefully someday we’ll graduate to the club, but ’til then, we’ll stay in the baby pool
Katie´s last blog ..The Sunday Scoop
The good side of country club pools?
Poolside margarita service by hot waiters.
The Mother´s last blog ..Another Really Good Reason Not to Clean
It does go to shit quickly, doesn’t it! Good luck with the return … just be on the lookout for the poolside margarita servers The Mother mentions and everything going to shit will no longer matter!
Love your humor!
Lisa @ Grandma’s Briefs´s last blog ..A thank you and a beer
Huh. So not so much fun then?
At least you can sound cool when you say that you belong to a country club.
Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)´s last blog ..In Which I Tell You Two Serious Things and a Bunch of Silliness
No – go back! Go back! Live your life. There’s got to be someone there who is sympathetic and thinks “oh, poor thing! I know exactly how that feels!” Just tell the kids that if they ever embarrass you like that, you will never go back. They will be behave.
Miss Welcome´s last blog ..The Good Earth
Jen, I WISH we were still at that stage. I miss those days.
Katie, if we had a neighborhood pool, then we wouldn’t have joined the club. You’re lucky to have a choice!
The Mother, thanks for pointing out the good side. I guess I should embrace lying on a lounge chair with a book, and order some margaritas… or even better, a couple of mojitos.
Lisa, if I have a few drinks, then I won’t even notice when it goes to shit. I can pretend those kids belong to someone else!
Miss Welcome, you are giving those monsters a lot of credit. I’ll try it, but I’m not so sure that they will behave.
Ugh. I always felt totally out of it when I went to the CC. I was the mom in the pool, in the non-red-or-black sensible one-piece. And I didn’t have the requisite silver-plated and monogrammed iPod.
But the sh%t always does happen. Usually closes the pool for 24 hours, too…
Evenshine´s last blog ..I grieve
I hear you loud AND clear.
Alexandra´s last blog ..Lifetime Movie Network Originals Present- Celine!!!
Mothers, they have it tough. Sometimes mothers have to go into witness protection.
Lula Lola´s last blog ..House-a-Tosis Meets Poison Oak Disfigurement
You had me at number 2 … No way this body is ever getting into a bikini again. And that, along with all your other reasons, is why it’s Daddy’s job to take the kiddos to the pool. =>
Stacia´s last blog ..Object Permanence
OMG hilarious!!
But please tell Mother while she was balancing and hissing, two other moms lost it and ran away, leaving their kids at the pool on purpose….
Swati
Swati´s last blog ..Single Mom Watches in Horror as Her Local Starbucks is Repeatedly Violated
Forget posting about humorous blogs out there, you are hilarious! I read the title of this post and started laughing immediately. Then I read the rest and kept on laughing. Absolutely brilliant, thank you for brightening my evening as I read this but I am sure your day was anything but brightened after that episode
Too funny….OK, funny for me because I’m just reading it and not living it! What is it with those posed and poised moms and their books, anyway? Everyone’s rug rats go wild once in a while…..sort of ruins that poise, doesn’t it??
Thanks for the laughs!
Sherri´s last blog ..Id Like to Thank the Academy
OMG!!! This is so hilarious. And most esp. because I just went with my friend to her swanky pool club and everything you said is absolutely 100% true. Esp. the swanky bikinis and ostracization for getting into the pool. Who knew that the Target one piece special with old lady skirt to cover my fat rolls wasn’t going to win me any cool points?
Poor mommy! Well, you won’t remember in five years, right?
Paige´s last blog ..my first camping trip
This is hilarious (you are really talented with humor!)! I’m sorry you went through it but it’s excellent blog fodder
How do other women “control” their kids and fit into bikinis?? I guess they do exist…
We were researching outdoor pools this summer and among them were private/country club pools. Out of our price range but your story is very interesting. Your post made me think of this post that I recently read (another funny one on the same subject):
http://bourgeoisdilemma.blogspot.com/2010/06/bourgeois-dilemma-22-my-kid-freaked-out.html
Cecilia´s last blog ..A Mom Interview
OMG, I love it. I mean I love the story…hate that this could very possibily be me. I would have started with the mojito/margarita option and possibilty pretended they weren’t mine.
Thanks for taking time to stop by Sunny Bug…
Liz´s last blog ..pssst! I have a secret
In a few years when I am brave enough to attempt the pool with my kids, I can see this exact same scenario playing out for me.
You’ve got to go back though. Every mom, even ones in bikinis, has rough days. I tend to feel more comfortable around moms who I have seen lose their cool, kind of nice to know everyone struggles some days.
Pack up the van (just guessing) and head over today!
mep´s last blog ..So Im Not Hank Williams- Jr
Oh, bless you! What a wonderful post! I am sure that non-country club mothers everywhere will identify
Stopping by from SITS/31DBBB and now following
bubbleboo @ The Thought Bubble´s last blog ..A Lily A Day
I am glad my kids turned out to be human.
Heidi von Weitzer´s last blog ..CASA – Court Appointed Special Advocate – Helping Children
Love this – LOL! I especially love #2 & 3. Seriously, what fun is it if Mom can’t swim too? I have never understood that. I’d much rather be in the water playing too!
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